I know I’m unworthy of you
I know I’ve wronged you
You were nothing but pure and loving to me
and yet all I have done is hurt you.
I’m sorry, I’m completely undeserving of you.
I know you’ll be in a happier place without me.
This is my goodbye.
한때 너와 평생 함께 할거란 약속했었어
너를 지켜주고 싶었어
그 약속 지킬 수 있다고 믿어왔어
오직 순수한 사랑이란 것 진심으로 해보고 싶었어
그때만큼은 자신 있었어
우리 둘만으로 충분하고 행복할 수 있다고 생각했어
그땐, 넌 내 전부였으니까
그땐, 너밖에 안보였으니까
그때만큼은 영원한 사랑이라고 믿었으니까
근데 언제부터
욕심이 커졌고
더 바라고
더 바라니까 실망하고
실망하니까 서운하고
서운해서 언제부터인지 마음은 변하기 시작했어
이런 내 모습이 싫지만
이런 내가 싫지만
이런 내가 나 조차도 원망스럽지만
근데 멈출 수가 없었어
아니, 멈출 수 있었겠지
근데 내 욕심이 너무 커졌어
그러다가 보니 어느새
너가 달라 보이고
너에 대한 마음은 예전 같지 않아졌어……
그래서 미안해
변명하지 않을게
그럴 자격도 없으니까
나도 알아
내 탓이라는걸
그리고 나보다 나은 사람 만나기를 바래
내가 아껴준 것보다
훨씬 너를 생각해주고 챙겨주고
예뻐 해주고 사랑해줄 수 있는 사람…
I’ve come to realization
that my views will always be forever changing.
Before becoming exposed to the currently existing corrupt “real” world,
I had such definite morals, values, judgments and decisions based on what I perceived to be right and/or wrong.
I’ve had the same belief for 18 years of my life until university *BAM*.
Three years of university experience has shown me more to life than ever before, even all the 18 years combined.
I thought I was a product of nature, and somewhat nurture but I personally believed that nature and personal dispositions overrode the situational and environmental context of an individual.
As social psychologists emphasize, I had overestimated and overattributed personal characteristics and dispositions as being the reason for a person’s actions and behaviour, rather than interpreting or considering the situational/environmental factors that may influence and cause a person’s actions.
I had low tolerance, patience and acceptance for people who were different than I was or did things that I perceived as morally wrong. I judged them, believing that it was due to their own “bad” decisions and that they were genuinely bad people. I can’t say this isn’t sometimes the case, but it certainly isn’t always the case, that’s for sure.
Or perhaps, it’s because I am becoming more immuned and corrupt to the ways of our society that I believe that these things ought to be somewhat morally acceptable, as a way of dealing with my own cognitive dissonance - a desire to resolve the internal conflict and tension for the acts I now commit. So am I trying to justify and legitimize my actions by changing my own perception of what is morally acceptable, just so I could feel better about myself?
But back to my point being, I used to be certain that my thoughts and opinions will forever remain unchanged, unwaivered. Having acquired more insight, I ought to admit that my perception and views are constantly changing and evolving.
So then, am I a hypocrite?
The word hypocrite is primed and associated highly negatively within our society.
A hypocrite to me, is someone who contradicts their own opinions and says one thing yet does another.
As much as I hate being hypocrites and those who are hypocritical to their own words, I must admit that it is almost inevitable to NOT be a hypocrite at some point in life.
Maybe when making a statement or judgment at that time being, I thought my knowledge was sufficient enough to make such judgments and to proclaim my opinion. Is it wrong to do such things?
How do you know just “how much” knowledge you have and whether that insight is adequate enough to make an opinionated statement? You don’t.
At that time, you believe your knowledge is all-encompassing, absolute and complete.
So, once you acquire more knowledge and gain further insight, and once you learn that your pevious views were limited in scope, partial and flawed, it is only natural that you shift your perspective to adjust to the new information you have obtained.
Perhaps, I’m just underplaying hypocracy to make myself better, by saying everyone is proned to become a hypocrite once they become more experienced in life.
But wouldn’t it be wiser to embrace the new facts and accept that you were once wrong and change your perspective to factor in the new information, rather than being stubborn and keeping your old views despite the contradictory evidence, just living in denial despite the facts?
Hypocrite or not, I have realized that I should be less harsh towards people who change their prior perspectives, because, more or less, I am probably doing the same thing.
이별이 이렇게 힘든건줄 알았으면
시작하지 말았을걸,
바보
감당도 못할거면서
왜 바보같이 마음을 줬니?
왜 한번에 푹 빠졌니?
헤엄처 나올수도 없으면서
자신도 없는 그런 미련한짓을
왜했니?
후회 안한다고 자신에게 약속 따위는 왜했니?
지금 후회하고 있잖아
I’ve got no one to blame,
but myself.
